I heard that song "fifteen" by Taylor Swift today and got to thinking....
If I could go back in time and talk to my 15 year old self, what would I say to her? And after a little reflection I decided that I wouldn't tell her a damn thing.
My experiences to this point in my life have made me who I am. Sure, there were painful moments. There were things I wish I hadn't done and mistakes I wish I hadn't made. But, those things are part of the tapestry of me--They define who I am. They are my scars to bare and I choose to bare them with pride and strength instead of shame or sorrow. I've lost people I loved, but if I saw that coming, would I have loved them as completely and openly as I did? If I were to go back and tell myself to do something differently, I wouldn't be standing where I am right now.
I kinda like the way I turned out and I choose to live with no regrets. What's the point of living with regrets anyway?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Sunday, December 6, 2009
My history and a toast to what's still to come...
It has taken me forever to sit down and write this, but I think I need to put out into the universe. I have truly been "re-writing" my history. I have the 5 guys who brought us all together and restored the faith and heart of a 16 year old girl who was hiding in my 30-something body to thank for that.
I guess I should start where all of this madness started for me. In 1986 I was a 12 year old girl sitting on a bus returning from a softball tournament in Hutchinson KS. The walls of my bedroom were plastered with posters of hair bands like Europe, Stryper, Poision and Bon Jovi. All I wanted to do when I grew up was marry Richie Sambora. (I know, so glad THAT didn't work out for me... LOL) The bus ride back from KS was excruciatingly long thanks to a significant knee injury I suffered during the tournament. Slippery When Wet had just come out and I was wearing the tape down listening to it over and over on my walkman during the ride. The girl sitting next to me, Jennifer Powell, was listening to a tape by a group called New Kids on the Block. That's right, she was listening to the FIRST album. Out of sheer boredom, we traded tapes after giggling at how different the two groups were. Gotta admit that my first encounter with NKOTB did not impress me much. But one track on the album really hit me as a great soul song coming from these rather white boys. "Didn't I Blow Your Mind" kinda blew my mind.
I was raised in Macon, GA listening to music by a wide range of artists. Macon has a proud musical heritage with artists ranging from Little Richard and Otis Redding to the Allman Brothers Band, all calling this little place home. My mom had very diverse musical tastes and raised me on the likes of Percy Sledge, Otis and Al Green. I must say that I knew good soul music when I heard it, even at 12 years old. Jordan Knight really took me off guard. Didn't expect to hear that kind of vocal performance from what appeared to be geeky white kid out of Boston. Might have been the pain killers, but that song stuck in my head. But who were these other guys standing around hanging off a light pole? Don't even get me started on those sweaters... LOL
After we made it home, I went out to buy the album. Even my mom thought that "Didn't I Blow Your Mind" was a strong track. I listened to a few other songs on the tape, but after a few weeks, I put it aside and moved back to my hair bands.
Time passed. I had two knee surgeries. I got a boyfriend (literally the boy next door, my childhood buddy and best friend who I figured out I really liked to kiss... LOL) and I entered middle school. In 1988 I was 14 years old and watching videos on MTV when I saw that boy band from Boston again. "Please Don't Go Girl" was making the rounds. Dang, those boys were doing that soul thing again. Ok, I'm intrigued. What else ya got? I went to the record store and got a copy of Hangin' Tough. I fell in love with it on the first listen. And "I'll Be Lovin' You Forever"? Holy crap! Yup! I LOVED IT! Ok, boys-- I'm in the bus! So, where we going?
I won't bore you with the details of my early obsession. Most of you experienced the same thing I did. You all bought the same teen magazines, pulled the posters out and hung them on your walls. We all got buttons and t-shirts and key chains and socks and whatever the heck else they had out there with their faces on them. I went to Spencer gifts every weekend to see what new stuff they had that I could spend my money on. I would listen to the weekly top 40 countdown to see where their next song had landed in the rankings and it was usually at #1. The media coverage and marketing of the guys was intense and EVERYWHERE! I quickly figured out I was a Donnie girl--loved the whole "bad boy with a heart of gold" thing. I developed a group of girlfriends as I entered high school who all shared my love of NKOTB. There was Cathy (the Joe girl), Jennifer (the Jordan girl), Amber (the Jon girl) Robin (the Danny girl) and me.
We all made the trip to Atlanta for a concert at Six Flags. We arrived with my family (bless my parents for agreeing to chaperone that trip) as soon as the gates opened and the 5 of us headed straight to the venue gates. We were the first ones there. We were dressed to the nines. My friend Jennifer brought cookies for Jordan. Looking back on that now, my how stupid we were to think they would come in the gates like everyone else or that they would eat something a fan brought them. But hey, we were young and stupid and had no idea how those sort of things worked. We had a blast and that's what mattered. We were in the 124th row and took lots of pictures with my little Kodak camera. Only one turned out and all the guys were little dots, but I knew which dot was which and proudly showed off my picture to anyone who cared to see it. We went to a few other concerts in Atlanta and then the day came... The guys were coming to Macon!
I was now 15 years old and all of my friends really wanted to go. I begged my mom and she agreed. We camped out overnight in front of the same record store where I purchased that first tape to get tickets. My dad slept in the car while we made friends with other area blockheads and sat around all night singing. We were so disappointed when we only got 40th row. That's when fate took a little turn for the better. Another one of my girlfriends in school, Sheeva, was a big New Edition fan. She always poked fun (in the most loving way) at us white girls and our white New Edition. But Sheeva had a little connection to the New Kids that we weren't aware of. See, our little town's musical heritage includes Dick Scott. Turns out he was Sheeva's uncle. To this day, I think that is why they came here and did a show. I actually met Mr. Scott at Sheeva's house in 1987. I had no idea who he was, but I remember him being very kind. Sheeva and I were in her room singing along to New Edition way too loud. When her mom called us downstairs, Mr. Scott was making conversation with us and Sheeva's mom told him that we were practicing for the Christmas program at our church. Her mother made us sing Silent Night for him. Sheeva and I had those harmonies down cold cause that was our solo. I remember Mr. Scott asking me how a little white girl learned to sing like that. I responded "Church and Otis Redding". He said I needed to keep it up cause I could be famous one day. I just laughed at him and told him he was too kind. All these years later, I realize that I apparently auditioned for Dick Scott in Sheeva's living room. God help me, if I had only known...
Now, back to March of 1990--- Sheeva was sharing in our disappointment and said she would talk to "her uncle" who worked with the band and let us know. The day got closer and closer. Nothing. On the day of the concert, Sheeva called me and told me to meet her at the Crown Plaza Hotel at 5:30pm. This was before the advent of cell phones and the internet. I couldn't get any of my 4 buddies on the phone and I couldn't drive. I talked my sister into taking me. Sheeva didn't tell me what we were gonna be doing. I had no clue that we were gonna do anything other than stand around in hopes of catching a glimpse of them. I was casually dressed but wearing an NKOTB t-shirt. My sister (who was 20) wouldn't let me out of her sight. I walk into the hotel and find Sheeva. She immediately walks me over to her uncle, Mr. Scott and proceeds to tell him that I am a huge fan blah blah blah. Mr. Scott actually remembered me and asked me how that singing was going. I replied fine. He just chuckled. Mr. Scott then takes us to one of the ballrooms at the hotel and into a meet and greet. My little 15 year old mind was NOT prepared for that. Holy crap! I was in the same room with NKOTB. I thought I was gonna die! It is honestly the closest to a panic attack I have ever gotten. Sheeva just laughed at me. When I actually got face to face with them, I was unable to speak. So Donnie passed the time by hitting on my sister. Yeah, that still kinda stings, but hey I was 15 with a bad perm and braces and she was, well, HOT. So was also a lesbian of the most feminine variety. She loved to play with the boys. Looking back on it now, it's hilarious. Donnie was super sweet when he finally noticed me standing there all stunned and stupid looking. I honestly don't remember meeting the rest of them other then Joe who was kinda rude. I left the room absolutely shaking. Mr. Scott then asked if I was going to the concert. Sheeva responded that me and my 4 friends were going, but didn't manage to get good seats to the show. Mr. Scott then pulled out 5 FRONT ROW tickets and handed them to me. Well, he tried to hand them to me. I couldn't take them from him because I was so stunned. Sheeva took them, I crooked out a thank you to Mr. Scott and we left.
That night was awesome! Donnie (bless his heart) was way cooler to me then I could handle. Everyone behind me was passing stuff forward to throw to the guys. It would make it up to me and I would take it and then drop it over the wall between us and the stage. By the last few songs, there was this pile of stuff in front of me. I was holding a white teddy bear that someone else had passed forward. Before I could drop it over the wall, Donnie noticed me standing there with it and walked over in front of me on the stage. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He mouthed "For me?" and pointed to his chest. What the hell... I nodded yes. He then indicated for me to throw it at him. So I did. Hit him right in the chest. Hard. He made a funny face, laughed and got down off the stage. He walked over to me in that little security area and asked me where I learned to throw like that. I responded "softball". He just laughed, smiled, reached over the wall and hugged me. And that was the first time Donnie Wahlberg whispered in my ear. He said, "Nice Arm. Thank you sweetheart" and then as he was pulling away, he sort of grazed my neck and jawline with his lips (incidental contact it not a felony, LOL) and then gave me a kiss on the check. He pulled back, gave me a wink and flashed his million dollar smile before getting back on stage and going on with the show. I'm pretty sure that was my first sexual experience cause tingles stated in places that had never tingled before. ;) He held on to that bear for the rest of the song. So, Donnie, if your reading this--- I didn't actually bring that bear for you, it was from someone somewhere behind me. But I'm REALLY FREAKIN' GLAD YOU LIKED IT!
We attended several more concerts in Atlanta. We never again used the Dick Scott connection. We managed on our own to get good tickets. I was the only person in our little group who got to meet them. We made a video for them and sent it to their fan mail address. I wish I had a copy of that tape. I'm sure it is biodegrading somewhere as we speak. At least I hope it is. If I find it on youtube, I'm gonna die! But I would love to see it just to see those moments of me and my friends and all the fun we had. We were SO silly!
High school came and went. Boyfriends came and went. Our little pack of blockheads broke apart. Cathy's family moved to Cleveland after graduation. Amber's mom passed away so she had to take on the responsibility of helping her father and brother. Robin moved to Las Vegas with her mom who left her abusive father. Jennifer went to Boston for college. And me--- I stayed home. My father's drinking problem was reaching a fevered pitch. Because my sister had gone away to college, I choose to stay behind with my Mom who was struggling to cope with my father's alcoholism. All of us went to visit Jennifer. We visited their homes, all their hang outs, but never managed to find them. Jennifer and I went to an album signing in Boston for Face the Music. It was January 1994 and I was 19 years old. It was cold as hell and the guys were NOT into it. Donnie never even looked up. Jordan looked like he was about to fall asleep. Joe was very stand offish with everyone and I swear Jonathan was gonna bolt. Danny was the only one who showed any warmth at all and asked about my southern accent. I was honestly wondering why the hell we were doing this. It wasn't fun anymore. It was a moment--- a moment when I realized that the magic was gone. For them and for us. It was time to walk away. And then they did.... I didn't even notice because I was so caught up in my life. I had no idea how much I missed them til they came back.
What did I do for the next 15 years? Well, I backpacked through Europe. I experimented with EVERYTHING. I kissed a girl. I didn't really like it. I kissed a lot of boys and a few men. I got high. I got low. I suffered intense pain from people that I thought loved me. The boy next door committed suicide. I started a downhill slide that would last until I was 22. I made a lot of mistakes. I hurt a lot of people. All I felt was pain and all I wanted to do was escape. So I became comfortably numb. I dropped out. I met my husband. He was not a savior, but he was my friend. I would try to push him away and he kept coming back. He never put up with my shit, but he accepted me for who I was. There really isn't anything like true love to guide you through the journey that leads you to YOU! At 23, I got real, got married and decided that I would be a grown up. College was up next. I pursued my passion and achieved my goals. My focus was lazar sharp and my determination was endless. I was fearless. Then I got into a routine. Work and career became my primary focus. I reached heights in my chosen field. I thought I was moving-- I had no idea how still I was standing. I completely forgot that I was supposed to be fearless. The 16 year old girl that stood up for herself in high school was lost somewhere inside the woman that I became.
I didn't really follow the solo careers of any of the guys. Joey and Jordan would come on my radio on occasion and make me smile. I knew Donnie was acting cause he would turn up in a movie or television show every now and then. In testament to how good he was, I would completely forget I was watching him---until he broke out that smile. Got me every time. But I didn't have time to sit and remember. I had things to do. I just enjoyed the moments. I saw Joey in concert at Joe's Pub in NYC with Cathy who insisted we go. After the show, he was so warm and comfortable with his fans. And a smart ass to boot. I forgave him for being a little rude back in the day. I took my step daughter to see N'Sync (cause I'm a cool stepmom like that) and Jordan Knight opened for them. I thought it was funny that I was watching a member of my boy band with my step daughter who thought Justin Timberlake was the bomb. I told her over and over that before there was Justin, there was Jordan. I got their greatest hits CD and let her listen. She loved it and I made a new blockhead. She watched the DVD with me and about died over Jordan's abs. Yup, she's a Jordan girl.
Then one day I got a email from my friend Susie. A true blockhead if there ever was one. She followed all of them after NKOTB. She never lost the magic. She said that their website was changing. She said they were getting back together. I laughed with her about it and said we would go to a concert. She made me promise. I sent the e-mail to my blockhead sisters from high school. We laughed about it and started "remembering when" a lot back and forth. We forgot all about it as we went back to our busy lives. The announcement was made unofficially. I stopped for a moment and listened as I got ready for work and smiled. But I kept moving because I had shit to do. And then one day...
I can't remember if it was ET or E! News-- The guys were being interviewed about the comeback. They were all sitting around in suits at a piano. Joey was talking. I was cleaning up or working on something here at the house. Joey was saying that they were still trying to figure out how this was gonna work. How would they open the show? Just come out on stage and sing (and then he started singing) "Remember when we said girl please don't go..."? I honestly stopped dead in my freakin' tracks. I put finger tips on my lips and said "Yes, Joey... I remember" out loud before I could stop myself. And that was the moment that the 16 year old me pushed the 30 something year old me the hell out of the way. Suddenly, I was on line trying to get more information. I was trading e-mails with all my girlfriends about what all this meant. I was GIDDY!
I got on the boards and met new friends. Tara, Maria, Yvie, Amanda, Nicki, Jennifer, Tracie, Susan, Tammy, Donna and Jessica: To you I say "TOWANDA!!!!!" We passed the torch, we made plans, we got camo and did satellite surveillance on the venues. All very tongue in cheek, but boy did we have fun! I met new friends at the concerts. Susan and her husband Aaron became not only my meet and greet buddies but close friends. And I gotta show love to the limo girls: Sheree, Jackie, Jennifer, Melanie, the two Amandas, Ann, Tina, Emily, Kim and Shannon. I had a twitter account for a while, but it was never all that interesting until Donnie Wahlberg made the scene. Twitter brought me beautiful friends like Michelle, Irene, Joelle, Laura and Patricia. Not to mention the girls that I play and laugh with every chance I get like @whispurr (who is just a girl in a guy's body, XD),@rockergirl75, @tizzysizzleberg, @tweetmejordan, @kizzyrox and so many more that I can't possibly list them all. And you know what makes all this so damn cool? My girls! WE RIDE! We laugh and cry together. We support each other through divorce, job loss, job search, family illnesses and loss of friends. We share each other's joy when someone gets facetime or a hug. We trade info on what Waffle House Donnie is at. We love each other with a bond that is undeniable. And sitting in the middle of the million sisters? Five brothers from Boston! We are family. They are no longer the objects of my teenage fantasies. They are now MY brothers. (Ok, I will admit there is still a little lust in my heart for Donnie, but that back rub??? DAYUM! LOL) They reach out and touch us with follows and tweets. They make us smile. Jordan "tinks" to let us know he's up and reminds us to stretch. Danny reminds us to workout hard every day and tempts us with twitpics. Jon and his funny ass random comments and secret direct messages. Joey and his nectar. Poor Donnie is so strung out on twitter that I think he might need medical attention if he lost contact with us for an entire day. Good to know he shares our "little addiction". But it's not an addiction to twitter, it's an addiction to each other---And that is WAY FUCKING COOL!
My original pose of girls were not able to coordinate our very busy calendars to get together and go to a show as a group. I went to DC with Jennifer. Jennifer went to Chicago with Cathy. Robin, Jennifer and I went to the Vegas show. I took Suzie and my newly converted blockhead friend Shannon to Atlanta. Amber went to Houston with her friend Tabitha. And that was just the first tour. I won't even go into the 2nd and third legs. Each of us attended Meet and Greets with the guys. We all met our teen idols, most for the first time. Donnie left me speechless again... With one look in our meet and greet, the 16 year old me was standing before him--stunned and unable to speak. Where did that confident 30 something successful business woman go?? Oh, how I missed that magic... I was so glad that it was back in my life. On this go round, the guys were everywhere. They were easily accessible to the fans. They wanted hugs and gladly posed for pictures and took time to interact in a way I never saw on the first go round. It was like meeting a long lost friend every time you bumped into them.
Anybody else out there ever gotten a tweet or follow from your favorite artist? Anybody else out there get nearly daily bubbletweets from your teen idol? Nah--- Only NKOTB and their blockheads roll that deep! Gotta admit that the love they give is equal to the love they take. And that's a lot of love feeding in from a million sisters! It's gotta be exhausting trying to keep up. But every day, they try. If any of you Donnie girls haven't gotten your facetime, it's because you haven't really tried. The man does everything short of coming up and knocking on ya damn door. For all we know, that might be his plan for 2010. Door to door visits. He would probably even bring along some Dunkin' Doughnuts. Ya'll know he would try... So keep a supply of red bull and corn pops on hand just in case. ;)
And the excitement continues. This is no longer a reunion-- This is a movement. "The Block" was just the beginning. Now we have solo albums to look forward to. Donnie coming out and making intimate stops at clubs. Jordan doing Jordan Idol and involving the fans in the making of his new album. Joey rocking back to deliver a killer punch with his new CD any minute now. Danny sharing his heart with "Remember Betty" and continuing his campaign to find a cure for breast cancer. I can't wait to see what 2010 holds for all of us. I look forward to the excitement of making plans to attend new concert dates and seeing the guys one on one and as a group. I can't wait for the new album and that concert DVD that I KNOW IS COMING!
So to all my old and new blockhead friends, I wanna wish you a very happy holiday and a joyous New Year. To the guys: GET TO WORK! We got shit to do--- TOGETHER! Whether you guys are doing something individually or as a group, we are all here waiting to support and love you like we did as girls-- Only now we are WOMEN! I can't thank you enough for the love, the laughter and the friendships that this reunion has brought into my life. All those years ago when I got on the bus to ride with ya'll I never imagined that the journey would continue in 2010. So here's to 2010: "WE GONNA RIDE!"
I guess I should start where all of this madness started for me. In 1986 I was a 12 year old girl sitting on a bus returning from a softball tournament in Hutchinson KS. The walls of my bedroom were plastered with posters of hair bands like Europe, Stryper, Poision and Bon Jovi. All I wanted to do when I grew up was marry Richie Sambora. (I know, so glad THAT didn't work out for me... LOL) The bus ride back from KS was excruciatingly long thanks to a significant knee injury I suffered during the tournament. Slippery When Wet had just come out and I was wearing the tape down listening to it over and over on my walkman during the ride. The girl sitting next to me, Jennifer Powell, was listening to a tape by a group called New Kids on the Block. That's right, she was listening to the FIRST album. Out of sheer boredom, we traded tapes after giggling at how different the two groups were. Gotta admit that my first encounter with NKOTB did not impress me much. But one track on the album really hit me as a great soul song coming from these rather white boys. "Didn't I Blow Your Mind" kinda blew my mind.
I was raised in Macon, GA listening to music by a wide range of artists. Macon has a proud musical heritage with artists ranging from Little Richard and Otis Redding to the Allman Brothers Band, all calling this little place home. My mom had very diverse musical tastes and raised me on the likes of Percy Sledge, Otis and Al Green. I must say that I knew good soul music when I heard it, even at 12 years old. Jordan Knight really took me off guard. Didn't expect to hear that kind of vocal performance from what appeared to be geeky white kid out of Boston. Might have been the pain killers, but that song stuck in my head. But who were these other guys standing around hanging off a light pole? Don't even get me started on those sweaters... LOL
After we made it home, I went out to buy the album. Even my mom thought that "Didn't I Blow Your Mind" was a strong track. I listened to a few other songs on the tape, but after a few weeks, I put it aside and moved back to my hair bands.
Time passed. I had two knee surgeries. I got a boyfriend (literally the boy next door, my childhood buddy and best friend who I figured out I really liked to kiss... LOL) and I entered middle school. In 1988 I was 14 years old and watching videos on MTV when I saw that boy band from Boston again. "Please Don't Go Girl" was making the rounds. Dang, those boys were doing that soul thing again. Ok, I'm intrigued. What else ya got? I went to the record store and got a copy of Hangin' Tough. I fell in love with it on the first listen. And "I'll Be Lovin' You Forever"? Holy crap! Yup! I LOVED IT! Ok, boys-- I'm in the bus! So, where we going?
I won't bore you with the details of my early obsession. Most of you experienced the same thing I did. You all bought the same teen magazines, pulled the posters out and hung them on your walls. We all got buttons and t-shirts and key chains and socks and whatever the heck else they had out there with their faces on them. I went to Spencer gifts every weekend to see what new stuff they had that I could spend my money on. I would listen to the weekly top 40 countdown to see where their next song had landed in the rankings and it was usually at #1. The media coverage and marketing of the guys was intense and EVERYWHERE! I quickly figured out I was a Donnie girl--loved the whole "bad boy with a heart of gold" thing. I developed a group of girlfriends as I entered high school who all shared my love of NKOTB. There was Cathy (the Joe girl), Jennifer (the Jordan girl), Amber (the Jon girl) Robin (the Danny girl) and me.
We all made the trip to Atlanta for a concert at Six Flags. We arrived with my family (bless my parents for agreeing to chaperone that trip) as soon as the gates opened and the 5 of us headed straight to the venue gates. We were the first ones there. We were dressed to the nines. My friend Jennifer brought cookies for Jordan. Looking back on that now, my how stupid we were to think they would come in the gates like everyone else or that they would eat something a fan brought them. But hey, we were young and stupid and had no idea how those sort of things worked. We had a blast and that's what mattered. We were in the 124th row and took lots of pictures with my little Kodak camera. Only one turned out and all the guys were little dots, but I knew which dot was which and proudly showed off my picture to anyone who cared to see it. We went to a few other concerts in Atlanta and then the day came... The guys were coming to Macon!
I was now 15 years old and all of my friends really wanted to go. I begged my mom and she agreed. We camped out overnight in front of the same record store where I purchased that first tape to get tickets. My dad slept in the car while we made friends with other area blockheads and sat around all night singing. We were so disappointed when we only got 40th row. That's when fate took a little turn for the better. Another one of my girlfriends in school, Sheeva, was a big New Edition fan. She always poked fun (in the most loving way) at us white girls and our white New Edition. But Sheeva had a little connection to the New Kids that we weren't aware of. See, our little town's musical heritage includes Dick Scott. Turns out he was Sheeva's uncle. To this day, I think that is why they came here and did a show. I actually met Mr. Scott at Sheeva's house in 1987. I had no idea who he was, but I remember him being very kind. Sheeva and I were in her room singing along to New Edition way too loud. When her mom called us downstairs, Mr. Scott was making conversation with us and Sheeva's mom told him that we were practicing for the Christmas program at our church. Her mother made us sing Silent Night for him. Sheeva and I had those harmonies down cold cause that was our solo. I remember Mr. Scott asking me how a little white girl learned to sing like that. I responded "Church and Otis Redding". He said I needed to keep it up cause I could be famous one day. I just laughed at him and told him he was too kind. All these years later, I realize that I apparently auditioned for Dick Scott in Sheeva's living room. God help me, if I had only known...
Now, back to March of 1990--- Sheeva was sharing in our disappointment and said she would talk to "her uncle" who worked with the band and let us know. The day got closer and closer. Nothing. On the day of the concert, Sheeva called me and told me to meet her at the Crown Plaza Hotel at 5:30pm. This was before the advent of cell phones and the internet. I couldn't get any of my 4 buddies on the phone and I couldn't drive. I talked my sister into taking me. Sheeva didn't tell me what we were gonna be doing. I had no clue that we were gonna do anything other than stand around in hopes of catching a glimpse of them. I was casually dressed but wearing an NKOTB t-shirt. My sister (who was 20) wouldn't let me out of her sight. I walk into the hotel and find Sheeva. She immediately walks me over to her uncle, Mr. Scott and proceeds to tell him that I am a huge fan blah blah blah. Mr. Scott actually remembered me and asked me how that singing was going. I replied fine. He just chuckled. Mr. Scott then takes us to one of the ballrooms at the hotel and into a meet and greet. My little 15 year old mind was NOT prepared for that. Holy crap! I was in the same room with NKOTB. I thought I was gonna die! It is honestly the closest to a panic attack I have ever gotten. Sheeva just laughed at me. When I actually got face to face with them, I was unable to speak. So Donnie passed the time by hitting on my sister. Yeah, that still kinda stings, but hey I was 15 with a bad perm and braces and she was, well, HOT. So was also a lesbian of the most feminine variety. She loved to play with the boys. Looking back on it now, it's hilarious. Donnie was super sweet when he finally noticed me standing there all stunned and stupid looking. I honestly don't remember meeting the rest of them other then Joe who was kinda rude. I left the room absolutely shaking. Mr. Scott then asked if I was going to the concert. Sheeva responded that me and my 4 friends were going, but didn't manage to get good seats to the show. Mr. Scott then pulled out 5 FRONT ROW tickets and handed them to me. Well, he tried to hand them to me. I couldn't take them from him because I was so stunned. Sheeva took them, I crooked out a thank you to Mr. Scott and we left.
That night was awesome! Donnie (bless his heart) was way cooler to me then I could handle. Everyone behind me was passing stuff forward to throw to the guys. It would make it up to me and I would take it and then drop it over the wall between us and the stage. By the last few songs, there was this pile of stuff in front of me. I was holding a white teddy bear that someone else had passed forward. Before I could drop it over the wall, Donnie noticed me standing there with it and walked over in front of me on the stage. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He mouthed "For me?" and pointed to his chest. What the hell... I nodded yes. He then indicated for me to throw it at him. So I did. Hit him right in the chest. Hard. He made a funny face, laughed and got down off the stage. He walked over to me in that little security area and asked me where I learned to throw like that. I responded "softball". He just laughed, smiled, reached over the wall and hugged me. And that was the first time Donnie Wahlberg whispered in my ear. He said, "Nice Arm. Thank you sweetheart" and then as he was pulling away, he sort of grazed my neck and jawline with his lips (incidental contact it not a felony, LOL) and then gave me a kiss on the check. He pulled back, gave me a wink and flashed his million dollar smile before getting back on stage and going on with the show. I'm pretty sure that was my first sexual experience cause tingles stated in places that had never tingled before. ;) He held on to that bear for the rest of the song. So, Donnie, if your reading this--- I didn't actually bring that bear for you, it was from someone somewhere behind me. But I'm REALLY FREAKIN' GLAD YOU LIKED IT!
We attended several more concerts in Atlanta. We never again used the Dick Scott connection. We managed on our own to get good tickets. I was the only person in our little group who got to meet them. We made a video for them and sent it to their fan mail address. I wish I had a copy of that tape. I'm sure it is biodegrading somewhere as we speak. At least I hope it is. If I find it on youtube, I'm gonna die! But I would love to see it just to see those moments of me and my friends and all the fun we had. We were SO silly!
High school came and went. Boyfriends came and went. Our little pack of blockheads broke apart. Cathy's family moved to Cleveland after graduation. Amber's mom passed away so she had to take on the responsibility of helping her father and brother. Robin moved to Las Vegas with her mom who left her abusive father. Jennifer went to Boston for college. And me--- I stayed home. My father's drinking problem was reaching a fevered pitch. Because my sister had gone away to college, I choose to stay behind with my Mom who was struggling to cope with my father's alcoholism. All of us went to visit Jennifer. We visited their homes, all their hang outs, but never managed to find them. Jennifer and I went to an album signing in Boston for Face the Music. It was January 1994 and I was 19 years old. It was cold as hell and the guys were NOT into it. Donnie never even looked up. Jordan looked like he was about to fall asleep. Joe was very stand offish with everyone and I swear Jonathan was gonna bolt. Danny was the only one who showed any warmth at all and asked about my southern accent. I was honestly wondering why the hell we were doing this. It wasn't fun anymore. It was a moment--- a moment when I realized that the magic was gone. For them and for us. It was time to walk away. And then they did.... I didn't even notice because I was so caught up in my life. I had no idea how much I missed them til they came back.
What did I do for the next 15 years? Well, I backpacked through Europe. I experimented with EVERYTHING. I kissed a girl. I didn't really like it. I kissed a lot of boys and a few men. I got high. I got low. I suffered intense pain from people that I thought loved me. The boy next door committed suicide. I started a downhill slide that would last until I was 22. I made a lot of mistakes. I hurt a lot of people. All I felt was pain and all I wanted to do was escape. So I became comfortably numb. I dropped out. I met my husband. He was not a savior, but he was my friend. I would try to push him away and he kept coming back. He never put up with my shit, but he accepted me for who I was. There really isn't anything like true love to guide you through the journey that leads you to YOU! At 23, I got real, got married and decided that I would be a grown up. College was up next. I pursued my passion and achieved my goals. My focus was lazar sharp and my determination was endless. I was fearless. Then I got into a routine. Work and career became my primary focus. I reached heights in my chosen field. I thought I was moving-- I had no idea how still I was standing. I completely forgot that I was supposed to be fearless. The 16 year old girl that stood up for herself in high school was lost somewhere inside the woman that I became.
I didn't really follow the solo careers of any of the guys. Joey and Jordan would come on my radio on occasion and make me smile. I knew Donnie was acting cause he would turn up in a movie or television show every now and then. In testament to how good he was, I would completely forget I was watching him---until he broke out that smile. Got me every time. But I didn't have time to sit and remember. I had things to do. I just enjoyed the moments. I saw Joey in concert at Joe's Pub in NYC with Cathy who insisted we go. After the show, he was so warm and comfortable with his fans. And a smart ass to boot. I forgave him for being a little rude back in the day. I took my step daughter to see N'Sync (cause I'm a cool stepmom like that) and Jordan Knight opened for them. I thought it was funny that I was watching a member of my boy band with my step daughter who thought Justin Timberlake was the bomb. I told her over and over that before there was Justin, there was Jordan. I got their greatest hits CD and let her listen. She loved it and I made a new blockhead. She watched the DVD with me and about died over Jordan's abs. Yup, she's a Jordan girl.
Then one day I got a email from my friend Susie. A true blockhead if there ever was one. She followed all of them after NKOTB. She never lost the magic. She said that their website was changing. She said they were getting back together. I laughed with her about it and said we would go to a concert. She made me promise. I sent the e-mail to my blockhead sisters from high school. We laughed about it and started "remembering when" a lot back and forth. We forgot all about it as we went back to our busy lives. The announcement was made unofficially. I stopped for a moment and listened as I got ready for work and smiled. But I kept moving because I had shit to do. And then one day...
I can't remember if it was ET or E! News-- The guys were being interviewed about the comeback. They were all sitting around in suits at a piano. Joey was talking. I was cleaning up or working on something here at the house. Joey was saying that they were still trying to figure out how this was gonna work. How would they open the show? Just come out on stage and sing (and then he started singing) "Remember when we said girl please don't go..."? I honestly stopped dead in my freakin' tracks. I put finger tips on my lips and said "Yes, Joey... I remember" out loud before I could stop myself. And that was the moment that the 16 year old me pushed the 30 something year old me the hell out of the way. Suddenly, I was on line trying to get more information. I was trading e-mails with all my girlfriends about what all this meant. I was GIDDY!
I got on the boards and met new friends. Tara, Maria, Yvie, Amanda, Nicki, Jennifer, Tracie, Susan, Tammy, Donna and Jessica: To you I say "TOWANDA!!!!!" We passed the torch, we made plans, we got camo and did satellite surveillance on the venues. All very tongue in cheek, but boy did we have fun! I met new friends at the concerts. Susan and her husband Aaron became not only my meet and greet buddies but close friends. And I gotta show love to the limo girls: Sheree, Jackie, Jennifer, Melanie, the two Amandas, Ann, Tina, Emily, Kim and Shannon. I had a twitter account for a while, but it was never all that interesting until Donnie Wahlberg made the scene. Twitter brought me beautiful friends like Michelle, Irene, Joelle, Laura and Patricia. Not to mention the girls that I play and laugh with every chance I get like @whispurr (who is just a girl in a guy's body, XD),@rockergirl75, @tizzysizzleberg, @tweetmejordan, @kizzyrox and so many more that I can't possibly list them all. And you know what makes all this so damn cool? My girls! WE RIDE! We laugh and cry together. We support each other through divorce, job loss, job search, family illnesses and loss of friends. We share each other's joy when someone gets facetime or a hug. We trade info on what Waffle House Donnie is at. We love each other with a bond that is undeniable. And sitting in the middle of the million sisters? Five brothers from Boston! We are family. They are no longer the objects of my teenage fantasies. They are now MY brothers. (Ok, I will admit there is still a little lust in my heart for Donnie, but that back rub??? DAYUM! LOL) They reach out and touch us with follows and tweets. They make us smile. Jordan "tinks" to let us know he's up and reminds us to stretch. Danny reminds us to workout hard every day and tempts us with twitpics. Jon and his funny ass random comments and secret direct messages. Joey and his nectar. Poor Donnie is so strung out on twitter that I think he might need medical attention if he lost contact with us for an entire day. Good to know he shares our "little addiction". But it's not an addiction to twitter, it's an addiction to each other---And that is WAY FUCKING COOL!
My original pose of girls were not able to coordinate our very busy calendars to get together and go to a show as a group. I went to DC with Jennifer. Jennifer went to Chicago with Cathy. Robin, Jennifer and I went to the Vegas show. I took Suzie and my newly converted blockhead friend Shannon to Atlanta. Amber went to Houston with her friend Tabitha. And that was just the first tour. I won't even go into the 2nd and third legs. Each of us attended Meet and Greets with the guys. We all met our teen idols, most for the first time. Donnie left me speechless again... With one look in our meet and greet, the 16 year old me was standing before him--stunned and unable to speak. Where did that confident 30 something successful business woman go?? Oh, how I missed that magic... I was so glad that it was back in my life. On this go round, the guys were everywhere. They were easily accessible to the fans. They wanted hugs and gladly posed for pictures and took time to interact in a way I never saw on the first go round. It was like meeting a long lost friend every time you bumped into them.
Anybody else out there ever gotten a tweet or follow from your favorite artist? Anybody else out there get nearly daily bubbletweets from your teen idol? Nah--- Only NKOTB and their blockheads roll that deep! Gotta admit that the love they give is equal to the love they take. And that's a lot of love feeding in from a million sisters! It's gotta be exhausting trying to keep up. But every day, they try. If any of you Donnie girls haven't gotten your facetime, it's because you haven't really tried. The man does everything short of coming up and knocking on ya damn door. For all we know, that might be his plan for 2010. Door to door visits. He would probably even bring along some Dunkin' Doughnuts. Ya'll know he would try... So keep a supply of red bull and corn pops on hand just in case. ;)
And the excitement continues. This is no longer a reunion-- This is a movement. "The Block" was just the beginning. Now we have solo albums to look forward to. Donnie coming out and making intimate stops at clubs. Jordan doing Jordan Idol and involving the fans in the making of his new album. Joey rocking back to deliver a killer punch with his new CD any minute now. Danny sharing his heart with "Remember Betty" and continuing his campaign to find a cure for breast cancer. I can't wait to see what 2010 holds for all of us. I look forward to the excitement of making plans to attend new concert dates and seeing the guys one on one and as a group. I can't wait for the new album and that concert DVD that I KNOW IS COMING!
So to all my old and new blockhead friends, I wanna wish you a very happy holiday and a joyous New Year. To the guys: GET TO WORK! We got shit to do--- TOGETHER! Whether you guys are doing something individually or as a group, we are all here waiting to support and love you like we did as girls-- Only now we are WOMEN! I can't thank you enough for the love, the laughter and the friendships that this reunion has brought into my life. All those years ago when I got on the bus to ride with ya'll I never imagined that the journey would continue in 2010. So here's to 2010: "WE GONNA RIDE!"
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